So I have this obsession of always being prepared. For example, any time I go out, I plan on the worst what-if situations and carry everything I think I might need. That ranges from a pen to a charger to an extra lipstick to a pocket knife or even to an extra pair of clothes sometimes! And I try to cramp I as much as I can in whatever bag I’m using and carry it around even though I end up using hardly a couple of things. Now I’ve observed that this obsession has stemmed from a harmless habit formed by many experiences and situations where I’ve needs something and I found it from nowhere but to just remember to carry/have/get it myself. Probably, also around the time I figured that at the end of everything, no one will help me but myself.
Usually, one of my sure shot self-help ways is to write about whatever is running through my mind. Poetry has been my outlet since middle school, which developed into blogging. It helps make decisions by sorting out stuff in my head like I would rearrange stuff in my bag. Although decision making has never been a problem for me, even when it has portrayed me as headstrong and stubborn at times, I’ve considered it as strength. But when I accepted to myself that I am it able to write anything since past few months- despite my heavy bag and brain freezes- I realised that it is not procrastination or laziness. I am actually clueless for the first time in my life at a whole new level.