Monday 20 June 2016

Ditched By Sleep..Yet Again.

As someone who's a born night owl, I often find it difficult to get along the "normal" cycle of life and day. And this used make me drop dead to sleep for 19 hours of sleep (my record so far, so proud!) after couple of days. But now I've gone from that to 48hours (my record being 65hrs, just FYI) of no sleep and "normal" work days. I think I may be nearing the end of my quota of allotted sleep for this lifetime...hmmm! Anyway, so this random post is for the poem I came to write to kill the time while my sleep ditched me..yet again!

WITH MY DEMONS

With my demons
Daily I fight.
With my demons
In the light or at night.

With my demons
Everyday I wage war.
With my demons
On earth or amongst the stars.

With my demons
Each reality is (oh-so) real.
With my demons
Is being chaotic or not surreal.

With my demons
Those memories be so glared.
With my demons
Call it a daydream or a nightmare.

With my demons
The mind & heart have made friends.
With my demons,
The soul's thoughts to begin or never end.

With my demons
Now I sit and write.
With my demons,
To heal a li'l more or just pass yet another night.

For all my demons have decided to stay long,
I've learned to patiently wait & grow strong.

-Heli..

Friday 15 April 2016

Journey of Free Falling

Just a quick note before starting this post: Three years back in my last post I said that I had "resumed" writing this blog seriously. Clearly that didn't happen. But it is happening now; after all the technical problems, my personal procrastination and my usually crazy college schedule out of the way. All the reasons that drove me to write still stands strongly along with new intense ones. This post was written over a year and half or two, but is finally going up now. So, here goes!

  "Write hard and clear about what hurts.", said a famous writer. And it only makes sense because a writer does exactly that to bring out something that relates to anybody directly. Because even situations and people maybe different for everyone; problems at its core and the feelings about are basically the same.
  When you are hurt by something, you feel sad, angry, low, hurt, unloved and so on; even though the "something" might be different each time or for somebody else. And I think that the thing that hurts the most is when you realize that something so very pure broke.
  Imagine that you invest your whole self in something so pure. Surprisingly the starting of it was less apprehensive but easier than breathing. You thought it to be a natural path to take. Taking a leap of faith even before you knew what that is. And you thought that you have been caught; but it was just the falling phase that seemed so wonderful. For you never thought to look down at the jagged stones waiting below,only up at the beautiful sky. You thought that this was it. The adrenaline rush, the freshness, the excitement of something new, the surprise of something so good happening to you, the eagerness of reciprocating every emotion you were feeling, wondering if is it possible for somebody else to feel the same way, experience it so fully. Never thinking for even a second about anything going wrong. You did not worry about what will happen, but a the same time you were somehow sure that whatever will happen will be good; and if it's not then you will make it. Shouting about it from the rooftops was what you wanted to do but only let out a peep. And that was just the start. With each try the peep grew louder and freer. And you realized there is nothing to be afraid of in letting out a real shout of exhilaration so great, it felt nothing short of awesome. An amazing period that seemed endless.
  Then came the trees. And everything changed. Surprise turned into shock. The blue sky was obscured by the dark and thick branches. And did they hurt. From feeling free to being scratched all over was so unexpected that you felt trapped even though you were still falling. The sting, the rip and tear of the skin, the blood; all felt like a new concept because all previous similar experience were managed to be locked up in a deep, far away, forgotten corner. You look around, like when you shared before, to ask what is going on, why, how; and you come up blank. And it makes you wonder if you were really always alone.
  Then came the final crash. When you hit the cold hard ground reality. If earlier it was easier than breathing, then now it was worse than death. If before you could feel all the range of experiences, then now the numbness was everything. And somewhere you feel thankful for it because it is better than the pain waiting to come out from behind the fragile screen; just playing on a loop as a everyday nightmare.
  And yet, the journey is not over; because everything is just an illusion.

-Heli..